“To whom it may concern,”

I’ve started so many emails and so many covering letters with this opening salutation. I landed jobs that were great and paid well. Other posts I wish I hadn’t even sent the email let alone attend the interview.

So imagine a fresh-out-of University student lands a job in the last career before graduating. Good right? That was me, on a hot summer day, studying for my finals. From the other end, I could hear this loud voice of an HR representative telling me that I got the job and that I’d have to be tested for drugs just to make sure I wasn’t off the wagon. Of course, seeing that I haven’t graduated yet, this was a massive achievement for me – my curriculum vitae with specific qualifications and job experiences coupled with my personality had gotten me a job I longed for after University was over.

Perfect! Only… this was to turn into a nightmare, sooner rather than later.

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My colleagues were amazing. We really hit it off in the opening because the place was new but nothing was to prepare me for what was to come. During my three years, reading for a Bachelor Degree in History of Art, no one ever really touched on the ‘What to do when you land a job you longed for?’. Going into it, I was excited and ready for work.

I wasn’t the best at it at first; in the beginning, I was a deer in headlights. My offensive sales skills. I never sold anything in my life – apart from some secondary school books so imagine trying to sell a whole establishment just a few days on the job. Erm, excuse me if I haven’t been working here for a year. Of course, I was on the spot almost all the time, and my colleague learned from my mistakes. Therefore, she didn’t do them or if she did the big boss (to which in this we will refer to her as Peppa) wasn’t present, and I had to correct her. I was basically, the black sheep. The universe hated me.

There was also the issue of favouritism. My beauty there was so much of the latter. One time, I unintentionally, hit the wall with an A-frame – because as aforesaid the universe HATED me. It caught my leg (which hurt like hell) and hit the wall straight after. At that moment, Audrey knew she really really really didn’t mean it but it was the end of the world for her. Peppa became red in the face and started screaming and yelling (I may have exaggerated this, but more or less that’s what happened). This ended up with her leaving the A-frame where it was and touching the wall, looking at me all “I’m going to end you”.

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Evidence of favouritism: I was busy with a school group on one day, and magically two black streaks appeared on the wall while my colleague was at the cash point. It was as if nothing had happened on her watch. If it were me, I would have ended up jobless in a heartbeat.

The museum was on a slight hill – imagine someone trying to clean at the top of the mountain. This would have resulted in having water coming down the street and under our carpet. Of course, the one time I was busy answering calls, emails and trying not to screw things up I overlooked our CCTV camera monitor, and there it was, a stream of water just touching the carpet. As soon as Peppa came down, it was like the end of the world. “Audrey, there’s water on the carpet. It’s not like you had a lot to do. You could have easily noticed that the carpet was getting wet.”

*breathe in, breathe out*


The same thing happened when my colleague was downstairs, and it was as if nothing had happened.

These things honestly bug me.

I think I’ve bored you enough today but come back – pretty please. I have more from where these came from.

Stay happy, stay you!

Your virtual friend,