What to do?

Working in a job that you didn’t study for sometimes can be discouraging. Having studied for almost a quarter of my life, not finding a job in what I sincerely wish to work in is very sad and ultimately depressing. I worked very hard in my life to get where I am today. I spent summers working in institutions that did give me the necessary experience to my related field. I even tried to do internships.

What happens when you land the perfect job that almost fits your field and experiences? Well, you would surely be over the moon, right? I was when I received a phone call with a man on the other side stating that I had gotten the job. I remember I was finishing my finals… the next day I went for the first day of training. I was ecstatic!! Haven’t even graduated and I already landed the perfect job. I did think that a few were even jealous. I beat a lot of competitors they said so we were considered the lucky ones.

What happened?

Turns out the yellow brick road didn’t lead to the Wizard of Oz and home, but it led to the witch’s castle. Only my Dorothy ended a slave of the witch as she didn’t grab the water bucket but stumbled and fell into a trap. The excitement of a new place, a unique experience and everything on a much bigger scale was at one point overwhelming. The experience I bragged about in the initial interviews didn’t prepare me for what was to come. I was expected to do new things and particularly know what to do with things I never did. I wasn’t a genius sometimes but to a certain extent, I don’t feel it was entirely my fault.

Feeling stressed to a point where my blood pressure skyrocketed, my stomach dropped every time I woke up in the morning, the need for approval and the neverending need to be sick just to avoid a few days off work was at an end sickening.

Do I stay and work hard or do I give it the boot? For the stress, I endured it wasn’t worth it. The day I resigned was the day I started to live again. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but there were situations where they were just out of my hand. I did work on the feedback I got from my superiors don’t get me wrong and I did follow what my colleagues were doing to get the same praise they got but it seemed that everything I did (even sometimes copying what my colleagues did) was always criticized. All I got where insults and discouragement. Believe me, I worked my ass off, but I still got the backlash. I worked on so many things, I improved but not in their eyes.

Is it worth staying in a job you literally spent your life studying for which will affect your mental health, or just leave and experience new things?

I did the latter and believe me I started believing in myself again. I found a job where you can learn from your mistakes and you’re not frowned upon but given the help to improve and achieve better results.

Do I think I could have done better at my old job? Yes.

Do I regret leaving? No.

Stay happy, stay you!

Your virtual friend,

Audrey